Life

So many times we can worry about making a wrong decision or that things aren’t going the way they should. It’s so easy to beat yourself up when a choice didn’t work out as planned. Getting frustrated or angry when things go wrong.

I sit all the way in the back of a narrow long coffee place. At the other seats people are socializing, studying or working. On the small table in front of me I have a chai latte and my notebook. The notebook is dark red, has an icon of the universe at the front and the pages have golden borders. I got it on one of my previous journeys and I use it to write down my thoughts. My ideas about business and life and the things that keep my mind busy. Writing them down helps me process my own thinking and keep inspiration for later.
Sitting in a coffee place with a hot drink and a notebook and pen is one of my favorite things in the world. Present in the moment, relaxing and being creative at the same time. Wherever I am, I love being in a good coffee place.

It’s Friday morning and I’m almost back home for a week now. I’m hesitant to call it home, because I’m not sure where that exactly is. For now I’m living here, so I guess I can call it home for the time being. The other day I was thinking about how I miss the writing when I’m here. It’s just that here in Utrecht is my ‘normal’ life and that it feels less adventurous, not giving me as much creative input for writing as when I’m traveling. Nevertheless, I want to do an attempt to write about my first week back.

I’m at the airport for a moment to look at the planes. As soon as my eye catches the planes waiting at the gates, I’m filled with a joy from deep inside. A smile comes to my face and I realize that for me this is what it’s about. I want to travel and go on adventures. Suddenly my other concerns, like the small house I live in or the busyness of work, have lost their importance. Let me travel and I’m okay with those things. I look at a few planes taking off and then walk back with a smile on my face. It’s good to know what makes you come alive.

This morning on my way to work I was listening to the Disneyland Background Channel. They were playing beautiful classical music and I thought to myself ‘it would be nice to be in Disneyland now’. Then I looked around at the pretty buildings of my city and realised it could almost be like a ride in Disneyland. My grandma often points out how pretty my city is when I send pictures, while I can easily take it for granted. Not today.

Here and now is the name of this blog and are two of the most important words for me personally. They got my attention again when I was searching for a new water bottle the other day and stumbled upon a brand with the same name. A nice reminder to be present and to live in the moment.

It’s been about four months since I wrote on this blog the last time. Somehow I didn’t have much inspiration. The desire to write was there from time to time, but I didn’t know what to write about, until I started thinking about the words Here and Now again.

This morning I had a clear thought: who you are is like a big rock (or piece of wood as in the picture), ready to be sculpted. And you’re the one that can make a statue out of it, but cutting things away. Everything you are is already inside you, just you have to remove the parts that’s not you.

I just woke up with the feeling I’ve had before several times in the last couple of months, waking up to a bad dream. Waking up to a world that is not as nice as you remembered it to be. Even though things are turning a bit back to normal here, it still isn’t the way it used to be. Then it hit me what’s the main problem now: the world has lost its innocence.